I’m glad my childhood dreams didn’t all magically come true.
You can dream and plan and hope and pray, and as much as my old dreams were nice to hold onto, as much as I liked to wish on a star, I could never write the story I am in now.
Dreams are nice.
Dreams are good.
But they aren’t as good as what I’m living in this moment.
Some days feel like a piece of hell. Some days make me wish for the Kara I use to dream would one day exist. The smarter, prettier, more confident version of myself that I prayed would one day materialize out of thin air. I didn’t realize who I would be at twenty one would be nothing like I imagined.
But right now? My life is exactly where I need it even if sometimes I don’t realize it. If dreams came true, then those deep, beautiful, breath-taking moments I never thought possible would never have happened. Those people who just showed up in my life, the people I didn’t even realize I needed would be nothing to me, and now I don’t know what I’d do without them. I couldn’t have dreamed up a life like this. I couldn’t have brought about what’s come.
I remember wanting the days to go by faster so my dreams could hurry up and come true — I didn’t realize the things I would miss if they did. I didn’t realize what I’d miss if eveything I wanted to happen, had come about. I didn’t realize the tiniest of blessings that would come for things that I thought were far from what I wanted.
Realizing this makes me (even slightly) thankful for rejection. If makes me thankful for being turned down. It makes me appreciate, even a tiny bit, how I’m not always in charge of my life.
Because I fail to see the bigger picture. I’m only one human striving for perfection that will never come. I’m not the storyteller of my story as much as I try to be. I’m not as good as the One who is.
I’m glad dreams don’t come true.
Because dreams are nice, but so is real life. The achingly hard, breath takingly beautiful, soul zinging, warming, moments would not come. And sometimes it takes a heck of a lot of pain to get to this point. Sometimes without failed dreams, we’d never make it to the other side.
So I’ll keep dreaming and planning and hoping, but I won’t wish too hard.
Because sometimes I’m glad when dreams don’t come true.