this is why i choose life

This is suicide prevention week. Here is a post dedicated to the ones hanging by a thread.

Today was hard.

Like I felt my sanity slipping hard.

And I realized something: Today the pain is different. When I was a teenager, these days meant I dwelled in the darkness. I remained there, stuck and alone. I let the emotions build and simmer and fester into a pot of brokenness.

Today I look at these dark days differently. I see them differently. I use them differently. I no longer sit alone in my room, refusing to open up, to seek help or advice. I no longer fear appearing weak, because life is too short to live in fear.

I choose life because I am here for a purpose. Some days I wish I could be the one who gave up. Giving up would be easy. So easy.

It was be so easy to give in to the darkness.

But I choose life.

I choose life because there is a God in heaven who says….I love you. You are mine. Nothing you do could keep me from that love.

Nothing.

That is why I choose life because that is my hope.

The world tells you to believe in yourself, to seek that power. I find no power there. I am helpless. I am lame. I am weak. I am broken.

If I believe in myself I will crumble and self-destruct.

But I believe in a God who loves me, who accepts me as I am and molds me. I know people don’t understand, who wait until death to acknowledge that love. I cannot wait because I will die hopeless. I cannot wait because I refuse to live another minute a victim to my emotions. My mentality does not define me today because of who He is.

“Why does God allow bad things to happen?”

I don’t know. I just don’t.

I really, sure as heck don’t know. But if God is real and the Bible is true, I can’t do anything but follow Him because I refuse to follow my own lies built on faulty emotion that promises only my own destruction.

Because today I have hope — and I don’t mean a feeling of hope. No, I have it claimed. Today I have hope. I have the knowledge that one day this hell on earth will end. I have this hope.

Not, “I feel this hope.” Because some days I don’t feel it. Most days I don’t feel it. But hope isn’t a feeling — it’s a knowledge you have within your soul that allows you to get up in the morning, a thing you can’t describe but know.

And in Him I have found life.

Not feel good, easy life.

But life.

And a purpose.

And a hope to stand up and say, “I choose life.”

That is why today I am alive — because of that hope. Because I am loved for who I am and not who I could be. Because death is not the answer or the end, because I could self-destruct and still have that hope. Because this is not the end but the beginning, one chapter of my story.

Today I choose life.

And I want you to say the same.

Long for you to say the same.

Ache to hear you say those words with confidence because your emotions do not have to define you. Your mentality or health or social standing does have to dictate your life to you.

You are so much more than who they say you are.

And that is why I choose life.

If you want to talk with me about choosing life or hear more about what it means to rise from the darkness of depression, I would love to hear from you! I don’t care who you are or what religion you are or aren’t. This is not about that. This is about you choosing to live today and I would love to talk with you. You are loved. Your life holds value. Do not snip the thread. Do not give in. YOU ARE LOVED

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