I was single pringle until I was 22, had my first boyfriend several months after my birthday, and we dated for about two months before we broke up. I was heartbroken. I had told him “I love you,” we’d talked about getting married one day and plans for a family. I’d never dated in high school or been asked on a date before this guy. Flattered wasn’t quite the word that covered how I felt having a significant other in my life.
I felt complete. A part of something special. The missing piece to the puzzle. All the cliche cheesy feelings.
Until I didn’t.
I ended up breaking up with him for reasons that I won’t go into for privacy sake, but it was becoming a toxic relationship. Both of us were struggling to find common ground other than being extremely infatuated with the other and the idea of being “in love.”
And I realized a very raw and hard lie that society had whispered to me — my significant other hadn’t completed me and never could. Even when I met Zech and quickly fell in love with him, I realized how much time I’d wasted waiting for my future spouse in order to have the last “puzzle piece fall into place” or some nonsense. Zech fills that place in my life now because he’s meant to be here now, but in the past, while I longed for a man in my life to feel the hole, I realize I was simply wasting time not doing the things God had called me to in that moment.
I had no hole missing in my life at 19 other than strengthening my identity in Christ. The calling to be a wife and mom wasn’t supposed to be a missing part of my life until I was 24 and God called me to marry Zech. I wasted so much time feeling like I was missing something but the truth is, you aren’t missing anything right now if you are following closely with Christ.
God has you where He wants you.
He will give you the tools you need to do the God-given passions and dreams in your life.
I see that now.
And I also see that after Zech, there are now new passions and dreams I have that I want to be fulfilled, like having having a closer relationship with my step daughter, wanting babies of my own, and all the things.
The truth is, you are always going to be looking for the next thing, the next chapter.
But I’ve been quickly sobered to that fact that until the day God fulfills those callings, I am not missing anything. Everything in my life is as it should be. Instead of asking God, “what next?” I’ve begun to ask God, “what do you want me to do here?”
You can listen to my sister and I discuss thoughts like this on singleless as well as our old fictional crushes, being content and single in your 20s and what to do while you wait.
It was a fun episode to do, but it also taught me that I need to be more present in the moment. I am always trying to rush God and my life, and it’s not only exhausting, but it doesn’t bring anything but heartbreak.
Letting ago and living day by day has refreshed me. I love my life. I love the person God has created me to be. I want to savor those around me, savor the memories we are making.
Life and time is so short. Sometimes God is withholding something for the time being because we are meant to focus on something other than our own desires. Sometimes he has something else that we have to pour our passions and time into.
That was true of me as a single but it’s also true for me today.
Beautifully Broken 